I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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