I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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