I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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