we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
