I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
