went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
