eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
