Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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