i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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