I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
