i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
