guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
