Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
