If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
