i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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