We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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