you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
