I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
