I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
