she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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