Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
