plz talk dirty to me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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