I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
