Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
