The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
