bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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