i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
