I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
