My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
