Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
