did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
