Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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