The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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