Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
