Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
