we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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