Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
