DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
