people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
