How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
