ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
