and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
