Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
