Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
