Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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