Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
