I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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