So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
