I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
