i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Never joke about your clitoris.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
