i was born a porn star she said
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
