is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
