I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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