I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
