I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
