I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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