Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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