wakey wakey hands off snakey
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
