he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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