I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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