i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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