She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
