One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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