What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
