I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
