I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
