you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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