Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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