if you like me you must not know who I am
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
