He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
