I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
