2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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