the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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