You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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